The Beauty of Hindsight

(Disclaimer: This entry was written back in February 5, but it still is applicable until now. I am in the process of reposting some of my old blogs, just so the new readers can follow and more will be blessed by it.)

This really was meant to be a reflection of today’s first reading, but then I get to relate it with something I’m very much in tuned with… Hope you enjoy reading and getting to know a little bit about my past life (before I became a mom, that is…) 😊

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When I was in grade school, I remember I was consistent in the top 3. I was tied with another classmate for second honors, but she usually ends up before me because her surname starts with a letter that’s before mine. From first grade to fourth, that was my class ranking. Then, I think I fell 2 ranks on my fifth grade, which was disappointing for me, at the time. I remember doing all I could during my final year in grade school, eventually going up the ranks again, and I even passed the entrance exams to a respected science highschool in Manila.

Highschool came, and it was a culture shock in a way. I was in the second to the last section (out of eight) during my first year, and I began to hate Math (especially Algebra) even if I seemed to like it in grade school. I can’t seem to focus also in learning it because I had a teacher who was really difficult to understand. Good thing, Geometry, Statistics, and Trigonometry weren’t such pains in my ass in the years that followed. Just when I thought that we’re already in good terms with Math, senior year came with Calculus, and pulled me down again. Even if I was in the top section during my last year in highschool, I was at the bottom of the class.

Let’s now turn to college, where I had the chance to redeem myself in every way. I met great friends, whom I still meet with and talk with, 19 years and counting as of this year. Though I still had a bad relationship with Algebra (Math 57 in my university, and ended up with 2.75), Calculus was better (Math 100, and I got a 1.25).

Okay, so it’s not just about Math. See, I had the chance to choose classes that I was really interested to take when I was in college. But so many others were interested in them, that some are prioritized, so I ended up choosing subjects that I was less-interested in, but was eventually good in (oh, except my Sociology 101 class, where the professor was so hard to please, and students that have gone before me often refer to as a “terror” one).

Looking back, I believe I have made myself endure a lot, sacrificed a lot, to also gain so much. I remember having high school classes that started at 7 in the morning, and since I lived far from school, I had to wake up at around 4 and leave the house by 5 (latest 5:30) so as not to be late. In college, I could have looked for an apartment that’s minutes away from the university. But somehow, I insisted on commuting daily to school, which was more or less 30 kilometers (around 19 miles) away from home, despite the traffic of both South Luzon Expressway and EDSA, because I wanted to, as crazy as it sounds, feel the stress of it.

I think what I got from those experiences are the patience to wait and be stuck for hours, and somehow the creativity to seek a productive way to pass the time.

When I was still working, there were times that I had to stand up more than half of the trip to work, because the buses were all full and it was the rush hour, but I knew I still had to go, else I would be super late. While standing, I remember being able to read the Daily readings, compose blog entries from my bible reflections or from whatever I just thought of at that time. Or, because we were already in the digital age, I was able to answer emails, look at spreadsheets, and analyze data using my Smart Phone, while I was commuting.

During my corporate years, I encountered people from different walks of life, and having different and crazy aspects about them. Looking back on those 10 years or so in the corporate world (I became a freelancer almost 4 years ago), I believe that the trials I had in dealing with difficult bosses or other stakeholders, the difficulties I had in processing some documents (which included those that needed lawyers and other professionals and experts in certain fields) were all just training for me, to become more patient, more resilient, more enduring, especially for the most difficult, the most demanding, but definitely most rewarding of all jobs in the world.

Yeah, you may have guessed it. MOTHERHOOD.

It may not have related now from the scripture I’m reflecting on today, which is part of Hebrews 12:7, “Endure hardship as discipline…” (NIV). But I believe that even if I have not prepared for motherhood before I really became a mom, I believe I have prepared for the other aspects that related to it. I have never been mum in venting my frustrations and self disappointments as a mom, but I knew I’m using much of what I developed over the years: the patience to deal with a toddler who’s really just learning the ropes of life; the creativity to come up with activities and disciplinary actions, to rear a kid that is not just smart, but actually street-smart, logical, and best of all, kind and loving; and the resilience in not having favorable results all the time but still trying again and again with something different each amd every time. It’s the best work and life situation to balance: having your source of stress AND your source of ultimate happiness, all in one, 13 kilogram, 2.5year old package.

I may not be able to trade this for anything. 😊😊😊

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It’s amazing that God really has His ways, to allow hardship and trials to come our way, not to punish us, of course. But to help us become stronger and more faithful individuals. Don’t you think? And it really doesn’t take some genius to put them all together because when you have this strong faith and belief in Him, you would know that He does not seek to harm us, but to ARM us with all disciplines needed to go through life and the evils that march right in to tempt us in losing our grasp of His love.

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What do you think?