Permission To Be Vulnerable

Permission to be Vulnerable?
I think I just need to be a little brave about being vulnerable today…
(search Brene Brown if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

Last night, for about a good 10minutes (perhaps more), fear gripped my heart. As in! There was fear, there was anxiety, there was worry… It was the whole gang! And as I was washing the dishes after dinner, I was almost in tears, as this fear was reeling me in, and deeper…

See, I was planning to go out to buy some additional stocks. We still have some for a good week, but there were things that I wanted to buy. Like I want to buy a dozen eggs, some pancit canton, a few canned goods (yeah, I need more of my processed stuff, hehehe!) a few veggies (because when I first went to the market, I knew I only had a supply that is good for a week). Pretty much I have a list that would perhaps only require me an hour outside of the house, excluding travel time, of course.

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Then, I saw updates from our city government. An additional positive covid19 case was added yesterday, and another one the other day, coming from our barangay… That’s when it hit me. So the one coming from our barangay was confirmed the other day and another one yesterday in the next barangay… It was getting closer to home.

I got worried that I need to go out and buy stuff, and I may encounter a lot of people. I could always try to go to somewhere a bit less crowded, but whenever I tell this to my husband, he’d be more worried (he’s the more worrier type than I am).

Good thing, God took me right out of it immediately.

He reminded me of the podcast I listened to earlier, from John and Lisa Bevere, and they dwelt on Psalm 91.

(verse 3-6 NIV) Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday…

And then, I felt peace again. I felt comforted again. Sure I still feel that little fear, but with that little fear, I’d make sure that I won’t be too complacent and go out unprotected. I’d be cautious not just for me, but for the family I’m also buying stuff for. I’d protect myself and those I will encounter later, as I go out, from the spread of the disease.

Also, I felt that the front liners would need the protection the most. They are more vulnerable as they are exposed to the virus on a daily basis. I bet they always live in fear of contracting it, but if they have the psalms in their hearts, the desire to serve and help would reign in them.

Let us all continue to pray that we will all be safe from the virus, and that the spread would stop. May God guide the hands of those finding the cure, and that they find it soon. May God reveal to us His plans for us during and after this pandemic.

God bless us all! Please stay in your homes. Keep safe!

– God-guided Gal

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P.S. So, I got out, and thankfully there weren’t a lot of people in the wet market. What bothered me was the grocery where I bought some fresh milk in cartons… There wasn’t any social distancing in the checkout counters.

Before going home, I already told my husband that I’ll be entering the back door, and will take a bath as soon as I get home. I disinfected the shopping bags before going inside the bathroom.

I knew God is bigger and more powerful than the virus. But I also knew, He made people create the disinfectant spray for the purpose of directly sanitizing surfaces. God sure couldn’t just breathe out disinfectant at will…

Or could He really? 😅☺🤔

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