(Disclaimer: This entry was written around seven years ago, and was posted in an old blog. Still the message is relatable.)
I was thinking of a better title for my blog, but the one above was the best I can think of. If you think of wars or being in battle, I can pretty much say that what I’m to write is definitely related to that…
We all have our personal battles. No big hugs can comfort.. No love from romantic relationships can ease.. Hopeless? Not really..
There is a solution: go on a retreat.. Surrender everything to God.
I have recently seen in my timeline that some friends from my community have gone to a silent retreat this week. I had an inner jealousy revved up. No, i wasn’t wishing that i joined them. Rather, I hope I could get some time for myself and just surround myself of God’s magnificence in Nature, one of His best creations..
A few people who follow me in twitter or Facebook may have seen some of my angry, moody, or insensitive fits in my posts. Some showed support, others expressed disappointment, and a few others took offense. How ever others took it, their reactions came to me as one thing: alienation.. Even if I was surrounded by people who cared, understood, and loved, I have never felt so alone and abandoned..
I knew I needed to break away.. I wanted to isolate myself from everyone I knew. I thought about driving wherever, just bringing enough money for food, toll, and maybe for lodging.. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do such.. I somehow felt that I still needed company.
Then I remembered where I can go to have my mini retreat, and have a venue to just vent and bask in God’s presence. This place was actually close to home..
After one of my 7:30am mass service, I was not able to go home immediately as another vehicle blocked my car. I decided to just visit the Blessed Sacrament. I haven’t been in the Adoration Chapel for quite some time, and I heard from my mom that it was remodeled. I wasn’t planning to go there; I didn’t bring my 15-min Blessed Sacrament prayers. So I went impromptu. A few minutes after, I found tears falling on my cheeks, and felt like sobbing, not minding that there were other people inside.
I remembered asking God that time why He didn’t make me discover soon that my retreat place was just near my place. I remembered saying sorry that I didn’t recognize His love through the positive and good vibes that others are passing along to me. I remembered thanking Him for leading me to the Chapel that day, and later on say that I’m okay. I remember praying for the other people inside the Chapel who seemed more sorrowful..
I have not returned to the Blessed Sacrament since that day. But now, I have come to realize that everytime I need my own retreat, I could just go to that Chapel.. Further, I have realized that sometimes, I need not leave my own home, as my retreat shall come when I have truly surrender my worries, my fears, my woes, and even my happiness to God..