I was struck by what Bro. Arun spoke about in his talk a few Sundays ago. How he goes with his daughter’s liking of a certain Korean pop stars… And somehow, I felt like I was a bad mom..
See, my daughter loves Frozen, especially Elsa. And she wants me to be Anna. There was a time that I was singing something, and my daughter shouted at me, saying “Frozen lang.” She tells me to just sing songs from Frozen.
I was driving that time, and then something inside me snapped. I guess I was just exhausted, both mentally and physically, that I somehow felt offended that she stopped me from singing my heart out. It was like she suck out all the fun and energy I have.
So I got mad and shouted at her. And I know she felt that fear whenever I become mad. She fell silent.
I told her that what she likes, other people may not like it. I told her I don’t like to be Anna. I don’t like what she likes.
Then the talk. And all of a sudden, I felt so bad as a mom. This was a preacher talking about his teenage daughter, and how he went down to the level of teenage fandom just because it was what his daughter loves.
I just hugged my daughter there and then, and realized that, at the tender age of 3.5, she has yet to comprehend the complexities of human emotions. And that I, as an adult, should’ve at least seen the world as she sees it, always in awe, always with excitement, always with delight even with the most redundant and repetitive of things.
I should’ve seen it with pure love. An innocent liking for an amazing movie about women empowerment. The constant want to express her strength and convictions through songs, about letting go and going into the unknown.
I may not do it perfectly and seamlessly, but from now on, I should see my daughter as a reminder to look at the world with rainbow colored spectacles. To see it wide-eyed and wanting more. Just because she loves it that way.